The Nest Officially Empty

This is not the first year I’ve dropped off a child at college and come home to an empty house, but I’m finding each year has its own unique joys and sorrows.  This year proves to be different from the last in the fact that both of my children are now moving – putting several states between us all. 

I have a mix of excitement and sadness.  I am excited that they are both beginning great journeys.  My son seems to have grown tremendously over this past year.  As he enters his sophomore year, I am seeing an enthusiasm and determination to succeed.  I am hopeful that this continues past the first month and well into the rest of his life.  This is not something I have seen before at this level, so I am quite hopeful both scholastically and personally for him. I will miss him at the house, he is a great conversationalist.

My daughter is heading out on her own journey as well.  She is heading down South for a graduate program.  For this, I am excited, it is something she has talked about for a long time.  She is driving down in a few days and will be “finding an apartment and settling in before classes start.”  This is making me a bit crazy!  She currently has no place to stay, does not know the area worth a stitch and does not have the kind of bank account that could afford her the luxury of waiting to find the most appropriate place for her needs.  This is not the way I would have done it, or would like to see her do it.  I will miss her dropping by because she’s hungry and likes my cooking.

One of the benefits both of my children have is the experience of my life.  No matter how dismal a situation may be, I have always landed on my feet.  I may have fallen down countless times, but somehow, and I’m not clear how, I have always fallen into a flower bed (maybe not roses, but even field flowers are better than manure).  This is one confidence they both seem to have.  I’m not entirely certain if I’m grateful for that, or if I’m upset because they rely on it, but in the end, it does provide even me a sense of comfort.

With this “landing on their feet” feeling, they are able to take risks.  I am grateful for that as I see risks as the precursor to growth.  It is difficult though when you see the path they are going, really believe it will have a bump or two, believe you see the bumps in the road that they don’t see yet, but stay quiet to let them discover the bump themselves.  This is the toughest part for me of being a parent of adult children.

Touchstone

Royal Botanical Garden, UK

I had my first child at the age of 19.  Therefore, almost my entire adult life I have been, “so and so’s mother” or “Mrs. So and so.”  I find little wonder that at this time I am perplexed at really who I am.  Not just who I am, but REALLY, who am I.  What makes me happy?

 I find the most difficult adjustment I am faced with as an empty-nester is that my touchstone is no longer present.  Every decision that I have made in my adult life was based on what would be the best decision for my family, and for my children.  The metrics were pretty simple and laid out – is there a good school system, will my children be safe, will my children grow from this experience, will this bring happiness for my children?  Funny to me it seems so much easier to answer if my children will be happy than for me.

 This is the new, in-depth thinking on which I’ve embarked.  My children’s daily care needs are out of the equation, so what makes me happy?  What do I want to spend my life doing?  I find myself constantly soul-searching for me, not as Mom, wife, daughter or worker – but as me, the individual without a title.

 If you have found yourself in a similar situation, did you have an “aha” moment?  Or is this something that gradually comes to me like a gentle tide?

What is the point?

There are several ways to put this, but I think this sums it up.  What is the point? What is my point?  I guess at some time in everyone’s life, they come to a place, look around and say, ok, now what?  What is my purpose?

 Maybe you, like I, feel like you’ve completed your purpose.  Mine was to raise two wonderful, capable children who are now off on their own committed to making a difference in the world in which they live.  I couldn’t be more proud of them, and the fulfillment of what I spent the last 24 years of my life believing was my purpose.  But is this it?  Am I done?  Do I have no more purpose?  Hell NO! There has to be more.

Now, I set out to find my next purpose.  This is the chronicle of my journey.  Feel free to come along with me as I:

• Discover the next purpose of my life
• Learn what happiness means to me
• Support adult children (which I’m finding has its challenges)
• Journey around the world to experience everything I can possibly fit in

 I’m not sure I’ll discover the meaning of all life along the way, but I hope to discover the meaning of my life and share it with whomever is interested in coming along for the journey.  If it’s anything like the first part, it’s sure to be quite a ride!!